Sunday, July 19, 2009
Hey gang... I'm trying to get into Twitter which I think works well for my ADD and my followers (which from their blogs and their comments, I'm pretty sure also have severe ADD). So with that said follow me! brymartinez
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
American Gangster
Holy shit. I'm in Puerto Rico watching American Ganster... All I'm going to say is "how do you take a movie with Denzel Washington and Russel Crowe and literally defecate all over the screen." This is the biggest piece of shit ever...
Somehow Frank Lucas (Denzel) gives up a 1 billion dollar business and still gets 70 years. Meanwhile, Leo DiCaprio in "Catch me if you can" ropes everyone and gets fucking job with the IRS. I get racism... but this takes it to another level... lol, I'm going off on this tomorrow... maybe
Somehow Frank Lucas (Denzel) gives up a 1 billion dollar business and still gets 70 years. Meanwhile, Leo DiCaprio in "Catch me if you can" ropes everyone and gets fucking job with the IRS. I get racism... but this takes it to another level... lol, I'm going off on this tomorrow... maybe
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
PR Trip
I don't have any pics to post yet but there have been some funny ass stories to share so far. I just got back from Old San Juan looking at the old forts. It was a full moon and so bright that it almost looked like day time. I couldn't spend a lot of time out there because it was 1 in the morning and my aunt was sure I'd get mugged or killed- I'm just trying to get raped... by a chick. I'll be back tomorrow. I'll try to post some of my thoughts as the trip goes.
P.S. Somehow Spanish people know if you speak Spanish or not just by looking at you. I know I don't look Spanish, but come on, neither does my mom but the waiters and bartenders know and will open up with Spanish to her and in broken English ask me if I'd like a diet Coke. Ummmm, do I look like I need to be on a diet?! Just kidding, female moment there.
P.S. Somehow Spanish people know if you speak Spanish or not just by looking at you. I know I don't look Spanish, but come on, neither does my mom but the waiters and bartenders know and will open up with Spanish to her and in broken English ask me if I'd like a diet Coke. Ummmm, do I look like I need to be on a diet?! Just kidding, female moment there.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I'm not writing MJ's obituary
I'm sure we'll all remember where we were when we found out Michael Jackson died. We'll remember Thriller and ABC 123. Even younger people will remember when he came out on stage for the MTV Movie Awards with N'Sync in 2001. But what I'll remember the most is that time Michael Jackson molested all those little boys. All day today on Hot 97 they're playing MJ songs. While we're at it, let's all "become fans" of Meagan's Law on Facebook?! When OJ dies is ESPN going to run "OJ's greatest runs of all time" (I will not insult you with a cheap White Bronco joke). Just kidding, I am.
"Even in death, we need to keep it real"
-Jesus Christ
Proverbs 7:24
-Jesus Christ
Proverbs 7:24
Friday, June 19, 2009
Sex? Yes please
A couple is having a playful fight when the wife says something to the effect of "Oh yea? Then you can explain to your friends that you're a cranky son-of-a-bitch because you haven't had sex in 6 months."
First thing about a woman saying this line- it's bullshit. I don't know any woman who can go 6 months without sex when sex is made readily available. But I digress...
My only question is to her threat is "do blowjobs count?" Crude? Maybe a little but important nonetheless. Let me ask you a question. For $1 million bucks would you stay on a deserted island with no real food to eat but a tasteless magical pill (this pill contains all nutrients necessary for survival) for 6 months? Now you see where I'm going with my question. Now, what if instead of just this magical pill you got warm, fresh baked bread every day? ed note: Not all BJ's are created equal- I've gotten some that are more day old English Muffins than Lenders Bagels, if you now what I'm saying.
In conclusion, don't try to really get an answer when asking this question- there is no way a woman who is refusing to sleep with you is going to hook you up with some good fellatio in it's stead... at least not after college. I'm just serious.
First thing about a woman saying this line- it's bullshit. I don't know any woman who can go 6 months without sex when sex is made readily available. But I digress...
My only question is to her threat is "do blowjobs count?" Crude? Maybe a little but important nonetheless. Let me ask you a question. For $1 million bucks would you stay on a deserted island with no real food to eat but a tasteless magical pill (this pill contains all nutrients necessary for survival) for 6 months? Now you see where I'm going with my question. Now, what if instead of just this magical pill you got warm, fresh baked bread every day? ed note: Not all BJ's are created equal- I've gotten some that are more day old English Muffins than Lenders Bagels, if you now what I'm saying.
In conclusion, don't try to really get an answer when asking this question- there is no way a woman who is refusing to sleep with you is going to hook you up with some good fellatio in it's stead... at least not after college. I'm just serious.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Pissed off Eminem
Yes, I am getting too old to be watching the MTV movie awards but please tell me you saw Bruno "69ing" Eminem. He was fucking furious! This is the second time MTV has pissed off Eminem.
The first time was with Triumph.
The first time was with Triumph.
I don't know if this is planned but if it wasn't, M is definately done with MTV. Here's the link if you want to see for yourself.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Bill Simmons
Those who are familiar with Bill Simmons (the Sports Guy) on ESPN need to start. One of the best writers in America.
Q: In one of your playoff columns, you ended a sentence with the phrase, "especially given this economy." This is becoming an awkward conversation-filler in society these days. I think at this point it can be used in any conversation, to end any sentence. Example …
Friend: "I can't believe you hooked up with that awful-looking girl last night."
You: "It was just one of those nights, especially given this economy."
The possibilities are endless, right?
-- Gary, Tampa, Fla.
I'm using this line all day today at Citi Field... as innapropriately as possible.
Friday, May 22, 2009
New Facebook Craze
Self tests.
It starts with an incredibly self involved person. This person now makes a test about themselves and sends them to their friends to answer and the results get posted on their Facebook pages.
I have a quiz for you:
1) I want people to answer questions about me because
A) ??? B) I'm so interesting C) I'm a narcissist.
Creating a quiz about yourself is like being on a date and saying "so enough about me, what do you think about me?"
Oh, and we're not talking about 10 questions here. I got one with 30 questions on it!!! Umm, I know you think you're awesome but do you also think I have nothing better to do except answer mundane questions about you. Here are some questions I'd be willing to answer:
1) What's my favorite sexual position
2) My worst lay was?
3) My drug of choice is?
4) If I could punch anyone in the face it would be?
These are some good questions and I wouldn't mind taking a stab at it.
But don't worry, I have a solution. First, get every question wrong- the worst case scenario is your friend begins questioning why they're friends with you, which isn't a bad thing because once your friend is dumb enough to send you this quiz, you should be questioning your friendship with them. The only minor problem to this is that if you get a perfect (or imperfect) 0% then you know enough of the right answers to get them all wrong. So, instead, pick a letter and pick it the whole quiz through. I think a 24% would offend your friend more than the 0% as they might take that as funny.
Chinese people love quizzes
It starts with an incredibly self involved person. This person now makes a test about themselves and sends them to their friends to answer and the results get posted on their Facebook pages.
I have a quiz for you:
1) I want people to answer questions about me because
A) ??? B) I'm so interesting C) I'm a narcissist.
Creating a quiz about yourself is like being on a date and saying "so enough about me, what do you think about me?"
Oh, and we're not talking about 10 questions here. I got one with 30 questions on it!!! Umm, I know you think you're awesome but do you also think I have nothing better to do except answer mundane questions about you. Here are some questions I'd be willing to answer:
1) What's my favorite sexual position
2) My worst lay was?
3) My drug of choice is?
4) If I could punch anyone in the face it would be?
These are some good questions and I wouldn't mind taking a stab at it.
But don't worry, I have a solution. First, get every question wrong- the worst case scenario is your friend begins questioning why they're friends with you, which isn't a bad thing because once your friend is dumb enough to send you this quiz, you should be questioning your friendship with them. The only minor problem to this is that if you get a perfect (or imperfect) 0% then you know enough of the right answers to get them all wrong. So, instead, pick a letter and pick it the whole quiz through. I think a 24% would offend your friend more than the 0% as they might take that as funny.
Chinese people love quizzesTuesday, May 19, 2009
The Mets are Ridiculous
If your a fan and stayed up to watch the game last night, you're only slightly better off than this guy up here. Honestly, please watch the recap but if you want the short story...
Ryan Church is only slightly more agile the Christopher Reeves. We went 0-7 with runners in scoring position. Luis Castillo would rather douse himself in gasoline than swing his bat. And Jeremy Reed made the 5th error of the night be sailing a throw to Ramon Castro that ended up in the stands as the winning run came into score. Only the Mets... Only the Mets...
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