Frank and the Toilet Water

Back in high school, my boy Frank lived with his mom in a nice Condo in Rockland. It was a pretty nice spot because it was in the middle of everything and he lived in the basement, which was connected directly to the garage. This allowed everyone to pretty much come and go as they pleased, so his place became the unofficial pregame spot. Well, one day in particular he had 10 friends over to start the night. This consisted of the guys playing Madden and the girls playing drinking games on the other side of the room. Afer 2 cases or so- Ed. note: a case is 24 beers not 12. A package of 12 beers is known as a "12 pack". Anyway, before we head out we take one shot of Cuervo for the road and head out to our friend's party.

I won't get into the details about the party because, well, it wasn't too interesting. We drank a lot more and people laughed at the same inside jokes we'd been laughing at for four years now. Pretty much a high school party.

Well, Frank gets so shit faced that he can't drive home. He had a ridiculous Z28 Camaro (yes, he's Italian) so I drove back to his place, where I left my car (a sweet Mitsubishi Galant- who wants to touch me?). I drag him through the garage and he stumbles into the middle of his room, where he starts mumbling that he's thirsty and must have water or will die... I go upstairs to grab some water and when I come down he's neck deep in his toilet lapping up water- no, wait, let's take a step back for a moment...


Frank was a very single guy at the time. What I mean by this, is that his place was constantly a mess. He never cleaned his room, leaving clothes everywhere, empty food dishes piled up in the corner and empty beer cans were everywhere. His bathroom was 10 times worse. I can specifically recall some disturbing skid marks in his toilet before leaving to the party that night and I doubt the bidet fairy came while we were out and cleaned it for him.

I think the look of horror on my face was comparable to walking in on a German fetish video being filmed. He just kind of looked up at me and asked "what?" He then took a hand full of toilet water splashed it across his face and said "it's so refreshing..."

I still tell this story to our group of friends and it always gets the same howling response. I think it's a classic... or it's just another high school story that I can't stop telling. He probably won't appreciate the post but he knows that I'm just serious.