Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pissed off Eminem

Yes, I am getting too old to be watching the MTV movie awards but please tell me you saw Bruno "69ing" Eminem. He was fucking furious! This is the second time MTV has pissed off Eminem.

The first time was with Triumph.

I don't know if this is planned but if it wasn't, M is definately done with MTV. Here's the link if you want to see for yourself.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Bill Simmons

Those who are familiar with Bill Simmons (the Sports Guy) on ESPN need to start. One of the best writers in America.

Q: In one of your playoff columns, you ended a sentence with the phrase, "especially given this economy." This is becoming an awkward conversation-filler in society these days. I think at this point it can be used in any conversation, to end any sentence. Example …

Friend: "I can't believe you hooked up with that awful-looking girl last night."

You: "It was just one of those nights, especially given this economy."

The possibilities are endless, right?
-- Gary, Tampa, Fla.

I'm using this line all day today at Citi Field... as innapropriately as possible.

Friday, May 22, 2009

New Facebook Craze

Self tests.

It starts with an incredibly self involved person. This person now makes a test about themselves and sends them to their friends to answer and the results get posted on their Facebook pages.

I have a quiz for you:

1) I want people to answer questions about me because

A) ??? B) I'm so interesting C) I'm a narcissist.

Creating a quiz about yourself is like being on a date and saying "so enough about me, what do you think about me?"

Oh, and we're not talking about 10 questions here. I got one with 30 questions on it!!! Umm, I know you think you're awesome but do you also think I have nothing better to do except answer mundane questions about you. Here are some questions I'd be willing to answer:

1) What's my favorite sexual position
2) My worst lay was?
3) My drug of choice is?
4) If I could punch anyone in the face it would be?

These are some good questions and I wouldn't mind taking a stab at it.

But don't worry, I have a solution. First, get every question wrong- the worst case scenario is your friend begins questioning why they're friends with you, which isn't a bad thing because once your friend is dumb enough to send you this quiz, you should be questioning your friendship with them. The only minor problem to this is that if you get a perfect (or imperfect) 0% then you know enough of the right answers to get them all wrong. So, instead, pick a letter and pick it the whole quiz through. I think a 24% would offend your friend more than the 0% as they might take that as funny.

Chinese people love quizzes

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Mets are Ridiculous

If your a fan and stayed up to watch the game last night, you're only slightly better off than this guy up here. Honestly, please watch the recap but if you want the short story...

Ryan Church is only slightly more agile the Christopher Reeves. We went 0-7 with runners in scoring position. Luis Castillo would rather douse himself in gasoline than swing his bat. And Jeremy Reed made the 5th error of the night be sailing a throw to Ramon Castro that ended up in the stands as the winning run came into score. Only the Mets... Only the Mets...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Movie Review: Benjamin Button

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, think Forrest Gump except with a much lamer life, less hot girlfriend, and 3 hours worth of it.

P.S. It actually wasn't that bad- but I'd rather watch Star Trek again.

Verdict: 7 reverse aging buttons (out of 10)

Movie Review: Star Trek

I know I'm partial to watching movies in IMAX but this movie was fucking awesome. The only knock I have would be that it was a little long. I don't know much about the original but I know enough that this movie stayed true to it's roots without being corny about it. The action scenes were sick; nonstop and action packed. Bottom line? If your looking to have a good time at the movies without giving or receiving oral- this is it!

Verdict: 8.5 Photon Torpedo's (out of 10)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Movie Review: Notorious

Yea, I guess this movie was all right- er, I mean aigh't. But I have to admit I was a little disappointed. This movie could have been pretty good if PUFFY AND BIG'S MOM DIDN'T PRODUCE IT!!! It would be like me writing an autobiography and asking that I'm played by Orlando Bloom. Come on!

How far far off is it? I can't say for sure but after talking to a couple of friends that are pretty close to hip hop artists and producers, I can't believe much of the story. Apparently, Puff ripped off Biggie, royally. BIG was the entire talent and Puff pocketed all his dough. Also, in the movie, everyone in Bad Boy's family is a saint and Puff continuously says "let's change the world!" Ummm, can Christopher Wallace solve the oil crisis? Is he going to somehow stop the pirates in Afica from stealing cargo ships? No? Oh, that's right- he's going to make music about the ghetto for white kids in college to dance to... Not quite Nelson Mandela but close.

And I'm sorry, I find it hard to believe Lil' Kim was a business woman (as portrayed in this movie). I pretty sure she was just a Ho.

But there were two very notable bright spots. First, Jamal Woolard, who played Biggie was phenominal. It was not only an exact likeness, the voice was earily similar. Excellent job. Second, they did a great job of showing us how songs were created from there everday lives. Maybe a friend constantly said a certain phrase or when two people were fighting lyrics from a popular song would be shouted... it was a subtle touch that real fans would definately appreciate.

Verdict: 6.5 Dancing Diddy's (out of 10)