Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Stop Checking 'ma Fresh!

I just read an article that the Mets are contemplating rocking this jersey as one of their official home jerseys, starting in the '09-'10 season. Well, let me break you off some knowledge about this fresh gear- I BOUGHT ONE LAST YEAR! Yea, that's right. I coped one when no one else had even seen one. Now they all recognize the dopeness and it's just a matter of time before all these posers start checking ma fresh.

Ok, I'll cut the shit. But on the real (I had to throw that in) I did get one last year and didn't see anyone with it. By the end of the year, I saw 3 or 4 people with Wright versions but none had the balls to rock the JOSE-JOSE-JOSE version I had. I even had strangers coming up and asking me where I got it. Of course I didn't tell them but now it appears that it's inevitable that everyone will be wearing one. So if anyone says that they like the new Met Jerseys, you tell them "Bryan Martinez had one first". I'm just serious.

Don't Drink and Drive and Get Caught

I was just forwarded this link from Heineken. Apparently, over 2,000 people used the free taxi program last year to get home safely and I'm sure that number will be a lot higher this year. Anyway, not that beer companies need my endorsement but this is seriously a cool thing for Heineken to do. Furthermore, I think that cops in White Plains tonight need to crack some fucking skulls if/when they do find assholes drinking and driving. Don't ruin the holiday seasons for your family or someone else's for the REST OF THEIR LIVES- which is what happens when loved ones get killed this time of year. Happy New Year's everyone.

Gift Giving

I've noticed this year that a popular gift has been getting people scratch-off lotto tickets. This is a pretty sweet (albeit lazy) present. I got a couple and it's a hell of a lot better than getting Fucking Old Navy gift cards (got some of those too... I loved it though- thanks Grandma!)

So as part of my Secret Santa present I threw in a Win $2,000 for Life scratch offs. Well, let me tell you something- this is the WORST present to give because as I'm writing this, that ticket is sitting on my desk and could possibly be a winner. Could you imagine spending $5 on a scratch off and the person you gave it to wins?!! The only thing worse would be if you despised this person- luckily that is not the case for me but if that is the case for you- DO NOT buy them a scratch worth more than $1 because you'll regret it for the rest of your life... actually, you'll regret it for the rest of their life. I'm just serious.

I haven't posted in a while...

I haven't posted in a while due to a couple of things- First off, work has been unacceptably busy and second, I haven't had anything to complain about. There's nothing I can about the first thing but I have no excuse for the second thing. There are so many things that should piss me and off and waaaaaay too many people to make fun of for me not to blog but alas, I haven't gotten anything. Anyway, I'm heading up to Boston this weekend for the Celtics and an overall weekend of inappropriateness. LOL, I love Beantown.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Glog: Fuck Webster!

Ok, can the people in charge of words just fucking make 'wanna' and 'gonna' official words? I'm sick and tired of this bullshit. I mean these days even Harvard English professors slip a gonna or wanna into their pompous-ass rhetoric. I was listening to financial news and heard a woman say "we're gonna see treasury prices rise blah blah.." Even this fancy pants bitch is doing it.
If I'm at work and some douche-nut comes by and says "I am going to go to the movie theater tomorrow, do you want to join me?" My response is "No, Captain Krazy Klown McPsycho Face, please back slowly out of my office and shut the door behind you." Different person, "Hey, I'm gonna go to the movies tomorrow, wanna come?" Of course sir, of course. It just goes to show you how horseshit everything really is.

Ladies and Gentlemen, You're '08-'09 RNT Bricklayers!

Click to enlarge (ladies, don't you wish it was that easy)

I missed the first game due to a severe injury I sustained while attempting to thwart a mugging last Friday. Well, maybe the way no old lady... or a pocketbook... or a mugger for that matter, but there was A WHOLE LOTTA ICE by my car. Anyway, I'll be better in a couple of weeks so make sure to get me back in your lineups!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Pic of the Week

Angry monkeys turn on their cruel trainer and beat him senseless with his own stick after he handed out a vicious beating to one of the trio during a performance riding mini bicycles in a market in Sizhou, China

Monday, December 15, 2008

Throwing a shoe at Bush does not count as a "Cockpunch"!

Did you see our President move out of the way of that shoe like he was training for a dodge ball competition? Kudos sir! The only thing that could have topped it, would have been if he had caught it, thrown it back at Mustafa, then yelled "Don't mess with Texas!" That would have been sweet. I'm about as serious as Texas.


I, in fact, am Spanish! I took my friend Jess out for her Birthday Saturday to Sofritos. This place was amazing. The only negative was tight seating and a long wait, but it was completely worth it. The food is so authentic, it's ridiculous. The portions are devastatingly huge (that's what she said). No one walked out of there without a doggy bag. I got the pernil (pronounced peh-kneel) and as you can see it was amazing. Anyway, check this place out. I bounced before it got crazy, but I bet the night life in that place gets crazy- like 75 Puerto Ricans refusing to go home crazy.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

It's Official- K-Rod has Landed

K-Rod says: "...all my hopes and dreams have been realized- I'm a Met!"

Monday, December 8, 2008

Jizzz in my pants

Define: Douchebag

I've never wanted to see a person get tasered more than this jack-ass. He's already is making a "tazed" face. God, I hate him.


When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up e verything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

Friday, December 5, 2008


Some people collect comic books. Some people collect coins. Andres Villacis collects V Cards. I too am a collector of sorts. I like to collect beer mugs from bars. Not just your everyday, run-of-the-mill mugs, mind you. I like different, exotic beer mugs or steins. It's kind of an odd hobby considering I have to steal this shit from bars and restaurants but that makes it even more special to me. I haven't been caught yet but I'm pretty sure it would rank up there as one of the top 5,000 embarrassing things to have happened to me. (I've lived an embarrassing life, but my life motto is 'go big or go home') Anyway, the mug below I stole from an Applebees Wednesday night. Actually, it was after I saw the new 007 (see my review below) so I felt the need to rob someone the same way Universal pictures robbed me! I only got one mug, which in my line of work is unacceptable. Always get two- it hides the fact that you are stealing glasses that 100 other people have drank from and makes it look like you got "a nice new set" of glasses from Anthropology. Anyway, I'll be posting the newest additions to my collection as they come.


RNT Holiday Pary

Tonight is my companies Holiday Party. It's a pretty standard party but some people do start planning for it a month or two in advance. It's weird because I think most people are just excited to dress up because while people have been talking ad nauseum about their suits/ outfits and hair for a while now, no one has actually mentioned anything about the party itself. If anything, it sounds like the girls are going to walk the red carpet in and then bounce, lol.

I have a feeling that this year's party is going to suck. We usually have our party in the Rainbow Room but this year it looks like we'll be having it at a bar across the street (C4). Also, they cut back the time of the party AND took away our rides home. Well, we can still get a ride if we leave immediately after the party, which I will not be doing.

One of my co-workers is having his wedding tomorrow, which is going to be a lot of fun. I love weddings. Irregardless, I will not be cutting my evening short for a wedding that doesn't start until 6PM the following evening. This weekend is going to do irreversible damage to my liver. Oh and I'm coming into the city for football on Sunday... sick!

...and the best show on TV is...

Bad Girls Club 3

Quite simply, they take 7 hot, bad-ass bitches that range from strippers to alcoholics to rich prissy snobs and put them in a house with unlimited booze, a limo, and access to dope clubs.

In the first episode, they break into their house by breaking a window and unlocking the door, get kicked out of 3 clubs in the span of an hour and one chick kicked another chick in the stomach wearing a stiletto. I have no idea how you can't want to watch this show.

Check your local listings.

A Humble Review from a Humble Writer #1

What the fuck happened between Casino Royale and this horseshit? I was so pumped that Bond was back after Royale! But this crap felt like it was thrown together by a room full of chimps banging away on type writers and filmed by a coked out Steven Spielberg.

Besides the uninspiring and boring story line, here were some more problems I had with the cinematic meatloaf:
  • The action scenes were cut waaaaay to fast. I didn't know if I was looking at an intense fight scene or a really bad gay porn. Seriously, the camera kept changing angles so fast I'm lucky I didn't have a seizure in the theatre.
  • The villain looked like a white-trash Walmart employee. He had no scars, wasn't a midget, his cock wasn't made of gold or any other precious metal- and from the ending, he really didn't appear that intelligent. I mean he pretty much wanted to be the South American Con-Ed. What is so bad about that? Is the next bond villain going to be Bill Gates?
  • Bond doesn't have sex with enough girls. I mean, here's the Bond timeline for sex. 1) He says hello. 2) He boinks her. That's cool and we need more of that. It only takes James 5 minutes or so to nail a chick, so by my calculation he really should have slayed 75 more girls in this sequel.
  • Where are his gadgets? You saw him drive his Aston Martin for 3 minutes. That's it. No laser watch, no jet pack, no x-ray vision sunglasses. NOTHING!!! Can he get some fucking help please?

With that said, there was one reason to watch this movie. (Please see below). This ladies and gentlemen is Olga Kurylenko. And I give her my "bad bitch" award. This is the highest compliment I can bestow on a young lady. She really is one bad bitch. The only negative is her hideous Ruskie name. But I'm just splitting hairs. This picture, by the way, was definitely not from the Bond movie... but it's my blog and I'll do whatever I want. I'm just serious.

Giddy up!