The Perfect 10 Scale

We all know the "10" scale that guys use to judge how attractive a girl is. A 10 is the best, while a 0 means "get the mace ready." The problem with this system is that it's too vague. One man's Jessica Beil is another man's Ugly Betty. And the problem with the 1-10 system is the "7". What the fuck does that mean? I'm guessing a 7 means aight. So at some point in college I invented the 5 Star system. Instead of the traditional rating system, I simplified it, and added criteria which regardless of whether you have a penchant for blondes or brunettes, tall chicks or short chicks, skinny girls or thick ladies, we can all agree where they rank on my scale. So, without further ado, here is the soon to be famous 5 Star system.

I'll start at the top.

A "ONE" is a girl that you would do anything to sleep with- and I mean anything. This chick is so bad that every guy's head turns when she walks by. A ONE will have a guy staring past his girlfriend during dinner to look at. A ONE is also pretty much out of all of our leagues. ONE's are window shopping- look but don't touch. If you aren't a professional athlete or filthy rich, don't bother. These are the kind of chicks that get sugar daddies and don't have to work a day in their lives because men will pay just for their company.

A "TWO" is the very good looking girl who most of us strive to get. She is cute, carries herself well, dresses nice and has that sexy- not slutty look. Personally, I won't actually date (like make my girlfriend) if she's less than a TWO. Maybe that's why I've only had three girlfriends, but that's not the point of this post. Anyway, a TWO illicits a "very nice dude" response from your friends when you introduce her to them.

A "THREE" is the equivalent to a "7" on the old scale. A THREE is definatley doable but it's not like you brag to your boys about it. When having sex with a THREE you may mention it to your friends, but you certainly should not expect applause once you're done telling them. A THREE is also dateable.

A "FOUR" is a girl you would sleep with but generally under suspect circumstances. Maybe you're fucked up, maybe you're in a slump, maybe you're just desperate... but this chick you do and (this is the important part), you keep to yourself. You want as few people to know about this as possible. LOL, only guys would go into a FOUR situation and still do it. They'll regret it tomorrow, but tonight it's game time!

A "FIVE"... well, a FIVE... let's just put it this way: You'd rather nail your penis to a burning building.

Ok, so now you know the greatest rating system ever! I have actually had underclassmen at Gettysburg call me to verify what a particular rating means. Now, there is great responsibility that comes with the system. Never, ever, tell girls about this system. Not because you'll offend them- that's a given, as this system is inherintly one of the most massagenistic things I've ever done... and that says a lot. No, it's because girls will ask you "well, what I'm I?" Holy shit- it never fails. Just never bring up this system in front of girls because you're going to have to lie and say "a TWO". They know they aren't a ONE but no girl will think they are a THREE. But you know they aren't a TWO, so don't water down my system with your lies. I'm just serious.