Friday, October 10, 2008

Guest Blog #2

On second thought...

Can somebody tell me why the fuck I went into the field of "business?" Honestly, I have little-to-no communication skills, terrible with math, I hate working on a 'team', I hate getting dressed up, and the more cash I make the more debt I go into. I yearn for simpler times. I probably thought I was the shit back in the day, making the decision to go into the financial field...God what a douchebag. Did I not clearly weigh all my options? There must have been other things I could have done.

Well, since I use most of my time at work to think about other jobs I wish I was doing, I thought of one: store manager at Victoria's Secret in the mall. Hear me out. To those of you who's gut reaction is to say, "but Brian, retail? really?", I say please go murder yourself right now. You've got to look at the bigger picture, read between the lines man. Let me break it down for you in the only way I know how to, filthy and lewd. For a young man, there may not be a more perfect location for mischief and poon then any New York mall. I'll use the Palisades Mall in Rockland County for this example since it's close to me. Ok, so let's get beyond the fact that you'll be earning a poverty-level income as a store manager, just sell everything you own and keep your bills low, trust me, it'll be worth it. Also, People may throw a bit of perceived gay-ness your way when they see you working in a lingerie shop, forget those foolish fucks. Those are the only 2 issues, everything else is a beautiful, simple existence. You can practically live at the mall. There's entertainment, 80 billion kinds of food, gadgets, clothes, mad kids selling drugs, beer, and most important of all, pussy. That's really why we're talking about working at VS, isn't it? The range of hot bitches is mind-botteling. Just to be able to kick back in the store watching the endless parade of slamming 17 year olds (yea, thats right, I fucking said it, so what? you know you check them out too, you fucking perverted bitch) marching up and down the mall would be so much better than watching the stock market fall another 10 trillion points. I just think it would be cool to ring up some milf buying a hot black thong and thinking to myself "that fabric is going to be rubbing against your pussy at some point in the future." What a dope job. I dare you to come up with any flaws in this way of thinking.

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