Ten Things I Think I Know

10. Wife beaters are the male equivalent to push up bra's. For whatever reason, guys look a lot bigger than they really are with a beater on. With that said, it is neither cool not acceptable to ever wear on in public. Seriously, keep that shit to you flexing in your bathroom mirror.

9. If you're wondering about the difference between "making love" and "fucking", there's an easy way to discern what you are doing. Check the girls ass. Regardless of what position you're in, if her ass is higher than her head- you are fucking. Congrats!

8. Never have I, nor will I ever have sex to music. I mean, seriously, who "has sex to music"? Black people, that's who... and I'm not that smooth. I also don't have any R. Kelly music. (I'm going to have a full blown post about that one)

7. I have a tattoo that goes from the inside of my elbow up to the bottom of my armpit... and that paled in comparison to the pain that goes with getting your back waxed. Holy shit- I almost punched a bitch in the face 14 times during the process. It's kinda gross, but not as gross as having a hairy back.

6. There is no better feeling than crawling into bed with a huge blanket in the middle of winter. Subsequently, there is no worse feeling that getting out of that bed and getting ready for work.

5. Status messages are mistitled. No one cares what your "current status" is. While you're at it, how about putting "fine" or "super fuckin' great" as your status. Unless someone is trying to find you- there really is no reason to write what you are doing at that precise point in time. I have never wondered what person X was up to and in order to find out, signed into Gmail to see. "Oh, you're taking a walk? That's super duper!"

4. Can we start cockpunching people who love their jobs? I was talking to Jenna the other day about this and we agree- fuck those people. It's not that I have a problem with people who think "they love whatever it is they do" and I'm jealous. If that's the case, God bless them. No, my problem is the fuck holes that love their jobs because they think they're cooler than the rest of us BECAUSE they love their jobs. Here's a simple test to check if you indeed love your job: If you won 50 million dollars today, would you come into work tomorrow? No? Well, fuck hole, you don't love your job, do you? You may like your job, but you don't love it. Anything that I love to do, I would still do- in fact, I'd probably do it more often and with more women, if I won 50 mil. JK, not really, but sort of...

3. Will "that's what she said" ever get old? I hope not.

2. Pictures are underrated. I hate taking them, but everytime someone shows you them, you smile. Take more pictures.

1. I just want to give a shot out to Jess. She gives me a ton of ideas for my blog and I always overlook her for shout outs. She a "bluse". Blog + Muse = Bluse.